Bitches. A drunken rant (about bitches)

I decided to take a break from story requests, and embark on a new rant - because I am disturbed. Do you know why I'm disturbed? 

(You guys) "No Malory, tell us, please!"

I'm disturbed about other women. Because most of them are bitches. Really. It's fucking annoying and stupid. 

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Dear Bitches,

Why do you insist on being assholes to other girls? Why? Maybe you are at a party, and you are all nice to someone and then talk complete shit on them to other bitches. Why? Does this make you feel better about yourself? 

Being a bitch does not make you cooler, prettier, or smarter then your victim. Chances are, you've been out of high school for several years now, so quit it with the clique bullshit. And why on earth do you have to hate on other women? Is it competition? For what? Why? A boy's attention? To be the center of attention in the group? Let me ask you another question, why the fuck does it matter?

Do you bitches seriously not have lives? What do you do when you get home, bitch about other women to your probably near-suicidal spouse? Fucking stop it! 

Here's a couple ideas: Next time you want to hate on another girl because you're either jealous, a terrible person, or fucking retarded, you can try one of these instead:

-Go outside and look at trees for fifteen minutes

-Actually listen to what other people have to say

-Sew your mouth shut

-Be genuinely nice to someone

-Smile

-Do something nice for your spouse

-Do something nice for another girl who isn't also a bitch

-Pet a dog

-Learn to juggle

-Eat pizza

-Donate money to charity

-Help old people carry heavy shit

-Carry heavy children for tired mothers

-Learn Kung Fu

-Stop being a bitch

And the list goes on and on. 

Don't you see? There are so many other things you could be doing instead of being bitchy all day. I mean, do you like being a bitch? Is it fun for you?

By all means, if being a bitch makes you happy, go for it, but.... I have a feeling that isn't the case for most bitches.

Because it seems that most bitches are just fucking miserable yabbermouths. The shame is, most of these bitches are hot - but then they open their mouths and it's like "ewww that bitch is ugly". In reality, you aren't ugly - you are just mean, which makes you fucking ugly.

So stop. Be nice to other people, it will make you happy, and it will make you feel really good. And then maybe you'll realize that life is about more than being a bitch.

Love,

Me