Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Insanity is the Fate of Reality for Andy

There I was, kicking it back at my computer desk, chomping on some Cap'n Crunch, when a message rolled across my computer screen,


Assuming it was a pop-up ad, and lacking complete self-control towards ignoring advertisements, I recklessly typed: 


A knock on the door startled me. I rose from my swirly chair slowly, being careful not to trip over the half mangled computers and wires that littered my floor. Oh don't worry, I'm not a hacker. I just think broken computers are so "in" right now as far as interior decorating is concerned.

I rested my hand on the doorknob, half expecting it to turn by itself. I held my breath, and opened the door. 

"JEW GOTTA TURN YOUR FUCKIN MUSIC DOWN!" shouted Rita, my Mexican neighbor who filled the doorway with her 300 pound frame.

"Oh shit! I'm so sorry Rita, I promise I'll turn it off, I don't feel well anyways." I blurted out, partially relieved.

"OKAY JEW KNOW JEW DON LISTEN I KILL YOUR CAT!" she half yelled, half spit at me. 

"Okay! Okay! I promise I'm turning it off right now!" I begged.

She made sure to give me a proper stinkeye before waddling off to her dingy apartment down the hall from mine. 

"Bitch." I muttered under my breath as I closed the door and sat back down in my computer chair. Seconds later, I was startled again by another knock at the door. I stomped over and swung it open, ready for another showdown with Rita, but was startled to find none other than Laurence Fishburne standing in my doorway.

"Holy shit! You're Laurence Fishburne!" I shouted in his face.

"Malory, you have been chosen. The truth is out there. It is looking for you and it will find you if you want it to." Laurence said, mysteriously. 

"Wait a minute, what the fuck is going on here?" I said, a bit freaked out.

"Malory, hold out your hands." 

I did as I was told, simply because he was Laurence Fishburne, and it's not everyday that Laurence Fishburne comes to your apartment and asks you to hold out your hands. He dropped a pack of Gushers into my left hand, and a pack of Dunkaroos into my right hand, and continued his speech,

"If you eat the Dunkaroos, the story ends. If you eat the Gushers, you are going to find all sorts of crazy shit out that you may or may not like."

"Aww shit, I haven't had Dunkaroos in so long - but... Gushers are pretty good too..." I went against any sort of reasoning and ate the Gushers. Technically, Dunkaroos beat Gushers anyday, but I was thinking about eating some Gushers earlier that day and it just made sense at that moment.

And then I woke up. 

No, I mean I WOKE UP and remembered where I was and what I was.

"Damnit, too much sugar always makes her fall asleep" I thought in English, as I floated about. Lately I had only been getting about fourteen hours of playtime, since my avatar - Malory, kept falling asleep which wakes me up.

You see, there are so many of us atoms, but we don't keep good company - so we play games. My other atom friends and I like to play a game called "life", which is about a race called "humans" that we create millions of avatars for and take through various hilarious and tragic scenarios. The only problem is, some atoms play "life" too frequently and get addicted to it. They mess around and make the humans kill eachother and totally ruin it for the rest of us. It's pretty annoying.

One of these days I might take up another game and just start nuking everything in "life", but until another atom thinks of a better game I'm sticking with this one. Also, all my friends play this one so it just makes sense.

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