Tuesday, May 1, 2012


Dear Idiots,

Why are you in such a rush to get married and have babies? Is everyone around you getting married and having babies, and you feel like you need to do so to fit in? Do you have a DEEP desire within you, to find that knight on a white horse and then have beautiful children and ride off in the sunset with all of your babies on your lap?

Newflash: It ain't ever gonna happen.

I was you once. I had boyfriends, killed myself over each one, envisioned my life as the perfect housewife with perfect children. I would agonize over every text, every suspicion, flip out on boyfriends for stupid shit, and you know what I missed out on?


So you're 16-21 and you think you're in love? You've been with your boyfriend for six months and now you want to get married? Stop right now moron. You don't know SHIT about what a marriage and kids really take. 

Marriage is FUCKING HARD. You have to constantly work at communication, constantly work to find solutions so you don't slip anthrax on your spouses pillow before they go to bed or strangle them in the shower (that's when they least expect it). You have to PAY BILLS, and WORK to earn money, SHARE responsibilities and LEARN to like each other's friends. Sound easy? Think you can do it? Wait six months to a year after you get married, and then come and tell me it's fucking easy. You are with that one person for the rest of your life. Why the fuck do you think the divorce rate is so high? It's because young assholes like you meet someone, fuck a lot, then think they are in love.

And don't EVER move in with someone you think you love until you've seen them have a bad day. I don't mean, "oh honey, you had a bad day at work let me give you a massage". I mean, "holy shit, what happened to my spouse, they are going to either going to kill someone or themselves, I gotta get outta here". Yeah. As much as it seems perfect now, I promise you there will be a moment that you wonder how the fuck you got to where you are.

And don't even fucking get me started on kids. These little fuckers will SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF YOU. You are NO LONGER YOU. You are YOU + 1. Babies are cute, but they can't talk yet. Wait till they turn four and start screaming in the middle of McDonald's because you gave them apple juice and they wanted chocolate milk. Wait till you are in a rush to get somewhere and they decide to shit/vomit/piss everywhere and whoop, there goes getting to the place that you need to get to on time! Wait till they ask loudly in front of people of a different race, "MOMMY, WHY ARE THOSE PEOPLE BROWN?". Yeah (that brown thing happened today by the way - THAT was fun).

I love my husband and I love my daughter more than life itself; I would kill for them, do anything for them at the drop of a hat, and despite my incessant ranting, I am happy with my life. And yeah, I got married/had a baby young. Yes, I did all the shit above and more. At no moment would I take my life back, but I do have moments where I wish I would have taken time to figure out who I was before I jumped into everything. This is why I feel compelled to tell all of you to slow down.

Why do you want to settle down so quick? Go travel! Go to school! Go out and party! Be ALONE for a while! Why do you need to have a boyfriend/girlfriend? If you can't stand being alone with yourself, then you've got a fucking problem.

Before you ever get in a relationship, you better know damn well who YOU are. I will tell you right now, knowing yourself doesn't come for a long time. I still don't know who the fuck I am. I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. 

So stop with the fucking drama. Stop with the crying into your pillow and screaming at your boyfriend/girlfriend and accusations. If someone was video recording how you act in your relationship and showed it to you, what would you think? Because I tell you right now, most of ya'll are pathetic crazy fucktarts.

If it doesn't work, then let it go. Instead of jumping right in to another relationship, take a couple years off and read books, travel, make your own money, do things you find interesting, and if you are so goddamned lonely adopt a pet.

Enjoy your life. Stop worrying about what everyone else thinks of you, and worry about what you think of you. No significant other will ever make you like yourself more. No significant other will ever make you complete. THAT IS YOUR JOB. No matter who you are with in what capacity, loving yourself and feeling whole is your task in life

And when you are ready, find someone else who also loves and respects themselves, and then you will learn to love on a different level.



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