Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Manny the Manatee - for Shelly

A long time ago, when dolphins ruled the world with their intelligent dolphin brains and their pleasurable sex, there was a small, insignificant sack of lard named Manny the manatee.

You see, Manny was an ugly manatee. He wasn't anything like those cute manatee's you see on the TV nowadays. No sir, this manatee had horns and was pink - an undesirable color in the time of the dolphin rule. Noone knew why Manny looked the way he did, and as a result he was shunned from the dolphin community, and even from his own Manatee family.

He roamed the seas with his horrid pink face, sinking into his manatee depression deeper each day. He spent most of his time looking for shells and pink rocks with which to finish constructing his completely custom manatee house. Upon the completion of his house, he swam back to take a look. It was quite a sight. A completely pink and seashell house, sparking underwater for all to see - but far enough away so that no one but the occasional plankton would ever rest their eyes on the sight.

But then one day, things changed. Manny was reclining in his lava rock chair watching "Manatee News Weekly" hosted by Manfred Manatee and Dolphina Dolphin when he heard a "tap tap" at his seashell pink door. He grumpily swam over muttering "What the fuck is this shit? Ain't noone supposed to know I'm here!", and opened the door to to find the most beautiful green dolphin swimming at his step. 

"Excuse me sir, ... wow. I'm sorry, I've just... " the dolphin began.

Manny cut her off. "Yeah, I know I'm hideous, I get it, what do you want?" he snorted.

"No, no, you aren't hideous at all! I've never seen a manatee so, different, so ... beautiful! You see, I've been shunned by the dolphin community because I am green. So I've been swimming the seas to try to find a new home and live alone for the rest of my days. By the way, I'm Dolores the dolphin."

"Oh shit! Yeah, naw that's cool - hey you want to come inside? I've got plenty of gummie fish treats and other shit. You could sit down with me on my seashell couch and we can talk about how everyone else hates us and how most other dolphins are bastards and assholes. I'm Manny the manatee" Manny said with his weird, pink smile.

"That sounds amazing and delightful!" Dolores replied.

After five minutes of watching Manatee News Weekly and eating gummie fish treats, they decided that their awkward coloring was really a twist of fate - and that they were meant to be together forever. Dolores eventually became pregnant with a whole bunch of dolphin/manatee babies, and they were all different colors of the rainbow. Soon after, Dolores and Manny had a big fight about changing the seashell house from pink to green, so Dolores ended up packing up her dolphin belongings, took all the rainbow dolphin/manatee babies, and moved in with a red whale named Wally. They lived happily ever after, and Manny ended up eating a rock that he thought was a fish and died.

The end.

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