Tuesday, April 3, 2012


Welcome to Reading, PA! I am so happy you survived the drive down Business 422! Yes, you were cut off five times and flipped off even more times than that, but you are alive!

Please be sure to park in a spot where the meter is working, because regardless of the fact that there are no other possible spots within the 5 mile radius you've circled several times, you will get ticketed by a bike cop and laughed at by homeless people watching you from across the street.

Enjoy some of our fine dining at establishments such as the Ugly Oyster or Judy's on Cherry; but if you don't enjoy bulletholes in your neck or face, try to avoid Maria's on Penn St. ( http://www.menuism.com/restaurants/marias-lounge-restaurant-reading-373524 )

When in town, admire the colors of the McDonald's cups and cigarette butts as they create a mosaic of trash on the streets and sidewalk. Don't worry, that mother and father screaming at eachother while holding kitchen knives aren't going to kill eachother, the Mexican gangster doing a drive by will probably get them first.

Make sure you stop by the Sovereign Center to enjoy our famous hockey team, the Reading Royals! If you are fortunate enough to work at a company that owns a suite at the Sovereign Center (like I used to), you'll be too busy munching on complimentary chicken fingers and cookies to care that we are losing our asses off.  Because in Reading, hockey time = beer, and sometimes, that's all that matters folks!

If you're worried about finding a job, relax! There simply are no jobs in Reading. This will leave plenty of time for acquiring a coke habit and an education on growing marijuana. This of course is the perfect solution for your unemployment, as selling drugs is a lucrative business in town.

They have a saying in Reading, "When it rains a lot... we don't have to go to work, yeay!" This is because rain season often brings apocalyptic flooding to the region each and every year! Don't worry about going anywhere, because all of the roads will be under five feet of floodwater. Wintertime is even more fun, as the main roads will be cleared of snow giving your workplace a reason to open - but none of the roads surrounding your house will be plowed, leaving you scratching your head and cursing the television.

There are so many reasons to come and see this town. Try to ignore the nicer, prettier towns on the way here though - the more you lower your expectations before you arrive, the better.

Anddd.... I got nothin' else. Haha. Anyone have anything else to add? Haha.

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