One day, Amanda was surfing her Facebook for the normal common sense and non-annoying posts that she is totally used to seeing, when it happened. Bleep!
"IF YOU WERE STUCK IN PRISON AND HAD TO GET BUTT RAPED BY SOMEONE WHO WOULD YOU GET BUTT RAPED BY?? NO CHEATING OMGG SOOO FUN! REPOSTREPOSTFACEBOOKREPOSTYEAHHHHHHH!!!"
Amanda took her hands off of the keyboard and stared at the screen. Her stomach started to churn, beads of sweat poured down her forehead, and her fingers began to quiver. She glanced at the screen once more to look at the blue name of the offender who had done this to her. The name was Malory. Malory Dreadsy Merwin.
"That fucking BITCH!" Amanda shouted. "What the fuck is this BULLSHIT, I HATE this shit, what the FUCK!"
It was the last straw. Amanda went into the garage and grabbed the crowbar from the hanger on the wall, clutched it with all her might and began the long ascent up the stairs into the attic with a loud, stomping step. She glanced at the spot on the floor where she knew she would see the nail half bent, indicating the correct floorboard. The floorboard lifted with ease as the crowbar did what Amanda had purchased it to do. She removed the board and found the black shoebox marked "ZOMBIE SURVIVAL KIT! DO NOT OPEN UNLESS ZOMBIES ATTACK!". Inside the box was a single revolver, surrounded by ammo. She took the entire box, secured the floorboard in its original spot, and descended the stairs. She grabbed the car keys from the bowl on the counter, and shut the door with a loud "SLAM".
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Malory had just gotten done laughing at all of the people she tagged in the "BUTTRAPE" post. She thought herself pretty clever and decided to reward herself a bowl of chocolate cookie dough ice cream, when she heard a gunshot and a scream.
It took a moment for her to realize that the sound was not a gunshot, just the slamming of her door, and that the scream had escaped from her own lips. Standing in front of her was her good buddy Amanda.
"Jesus Amanda, what the hell are you doing here? You scared the shit out of me!" Malory gasped out.
Amanda said nothing. It wasn't until the eery silence that Malory saw the gun in Amanda's hand.
"Hey uhh, everything alright?" Malory whispered nervously.
"NO! IT'S NOT OKAY! BUT IT WILL BE IN A MINUTE!!" Amanda screamed out suddenly. She raised the gun.
Malory closed her eyes and prepared for the shot. She heard it, but did not feel it. She opened her eyes.
Her computer had been completely shattered by the bullet, keys and plastic pieces were strewn about.
"Dude, what the fuck was that all about?" Malory said, still shaking from her near-death experience.
"NOW YOU CAN NEVER POST THAT SHIT ON MY WALL AGAIN, you BITCH! Oh, by the way are you still coming over for dinner tomorrow night?" Amanda half shouted, half spoke.
"Uhh, yeah sure." Malory said.
And then Amanda left and Malory ate her ice cream, and she never posted those horrid, horrid things again.
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