Tuesday, April 24, 2012

The Toothbrush Debate

I love my husband more than words can say. That sounds cheesy as fuck, but just stay with me for a minute. This man has been there through thick and thin and puts up with massive amounts of my bullshit on a daily basis. He is the kindest dude that ever was, with one exception: he hates it when I use his toothbrush. 

Now some of you may say, "ewww why would you use someone else's toothbrush, that's gross!", but to you I say fuck off. He's my husband, my fucking HUSBAND. The man who has witnessed/seen/touched (whether accidental or not) every single bodily fluid I could possibly excrete/spew/gush ever. He has wiped my vomit off of a toilet seat, washed my shitty pants after a day of being awful bad sick, and has dealt with my sweating issues since forever. So why the FUCK does he have a problem with me using his toothbrush? 

Now I admit, I'm a chewer. I do waste toothbrushes in no time. And maybe my husband has a sparkly purple toothbrush. And I can imagine that maybe he has grown an attachment to said toothbrush. So yes, that should trigger some annoyance; yes, that I can understand. But it's.a.TOOTHBRUSH!  Technically, we are losing toothbrushes at the exact same rate regardless of the toothbrush I use, so why should it matter?

Is this a dominance issue, because I am constantly organizing his shit and maybe we have different operational definitions for the term "organize"? 

His definition of organize: Pile shit in corner of room, regardless of room.

My definition of organize: Put shit where it goes. Can now walk in house without killing self.

And so his constant complaint is "stop fucking up my shit!", when I'm all like "you mean our shit?" so maybe that's why he hates me using his toothbrush, because using his toothbrush = "fucking with his shit"? We have debated many nights over this topic, and we just can't seem to agree. 

Honey: I love you. Don't kill me :) Rum!         ............(Don't ask.)

And so I pose to readers: 

Do you have the toothbrush debate at your house? What color is your toothbrush?

Facebook or Blogger feedback appreciated!


  1. I understand your point, but think it is ridiculous. If you have your own toothbrush, use it. Stop brushing your teeth in the shower and it will be by the sink when you want it so you dont have to use his. Ps....do some research. Showers are less sanitary than toilets....so why brush your teeth there? Jesus....you already move all his shit and do whatever with it...leave the mans toothbrush alone!

  2. Dear brother Adam,

    Brushing my teeth in the shower is a time saver. I promise if I get sick and acquire some disease from brushing my teeth in the shower, I will be the first to say to you "Good God Adam, you were right!".

    I move his shit because I don't like tripping over piles of shit when I walk in the house. I like a clean house. I like shit organized. I don't like shit piled in the corner. If he learned to organize his own shit, I wouldn't need to.

    I swap spit and food particles with this man on a daily basis, so what's the difference if I use his toothbrush? It's not like I do it everyday, only in convenient situations. If you are so against sharing toothbrushes, then why have you shared cigarettes with me in the past? Similar mouth to object contact = same sharing of germs.

    1. Sharing a cigarette and sharing a toothbrush are two different things entirely..I dont brush my tongue with a cigarette. Mom has cleaned up all your bodily fluids....by your reasoning its okay to use her toothbrush too? Dont know if you still smoke cigarettes but if ya do im sure hes not a fan of an ashtray toothbrush either. Im just saying....I take Marcys side with this one.