Friday, April 13, 2012

Hypocrites - For Leesha (WARNING: Extreme levels of curse words and horrid language)

So, I'm interrupting my normal order of stories (Lauren's is supposed to be next) to do Leesha's topic, because it is something that I experienced first-hand today. Ladies and gentlemen, today's rant is about: 


WARNING! TONS of cursing and angry language.

Everyone has been a hypocrite at some point in their lives. Don't lie. You know you've said shit like, "oh yeah I go to church every Sunday" when most Sundays you're vomiting in your toilet because you downed too many 7 & 7's the night before. Or maybe you've told people what an awesome swimmer you are, when the extent of your swimming experience includes trying not to drown in your own bathtub. You get my meaning. I've got no problems with that sort of hypocrisy. I do that shit too. I'm human just like everyone else.

The type of hypocrites I'm referring to in this rant, are the motherfuckers that make saying shit about themselves that isn't true their job. They consistently lie about themselves to make themselves look better, when in reality they are pig fuckers that don't do shit EVER. You know who I'm talking about. Maybe it's that dude in your class that's like "OH YEAH I'M A TOTAL ANIMAL RIGHTS ACTIVIST, I BREAK TIGERS OUT OF ZOOS AND CONCEAL THEM ON PLANES IN MY CARRY ON AND THEN FREE THEM IN THEIR NATURAL AFRICAN HABITAT" or the bitch in your Mommy and Me class that's like "LITTLE JEANIE NEVER CRIES OR SHITS EVER AND SLEEPS EVERY NIGHT BECAUSE I AM THE BEST MOM IN WHOLE WORLD!". Yeah. FUCK those people. 

Today I had, let's say, an altercation with a hypocrite. I won't name names, or say where it happened, but I will outline the situation for you to the best of my ability. I've had a hard week, I've been in a training class for four days packing my brain with information, and every night when I go home, I have to do at least three or four hours of homework for my classes at school. This is in addition to cleaning my house, making dinner, making sure my daughter is fed and put to bed and that everything is set up for the next day. Not to mention a million other obligations I have that I've committed to because I'm a looney tune overachiever. In other words, I'm tired as fuck

Before I tell you what happened, let me give you a little background on the hypocrite ballsack I'm going to reference in my story. 

Hypocrite Ballsack, let's call him, Pig Fucker, is a lazy ass bullshitter who does nothing but make disgusting comments about is teeny tiny pecker in the most inappropriate situations, at the most inappropriate times. I don't think I've ever seen this guy lift a finger in his fucking life without whining and crying to someone to help him figure out how to write his own goddamn name on a piece of fucking paper. He likes to stand around and act as if he's accomplishing something, when in reality, he's itching his asshole and sniffing his finger, hoping that nobody notices.

So Pig Fucker decided to make a comment to me today, where he basically told me that I do nothing. Albeit, he was attempting to make a joke, but there was a hint of seriousness in it that made my fists clench so hard that I had to stop myself from bashing his fucking face in until there was nothing left. Let's review, Pig Fucker, King of Bullshitting and Itchy Assholes told ME that I do NOTHING. NOTHING.

MOTHERFUCKER, LET ME TELL YOU WHAT I DO. I wake up at 5:30am every GODDAMN MORNING and wake EVERYONE UP to get their asses moving to get ready for work and school, I DRIVE from PHOENIXVILLE TO MOUNT PENN to drop my daughter off, then I go to work, THINK A LOT, get off, pick up my daughter, and drive all the way home. The SECOND I walk in the door at 6:30pm I'm picking up shit, I'm vacuuming, I'm making dinner, I'm making lunches for the next day, I'm picking out clothes for myself and my daughter the next day, I'm putting my daughter down (reading her books and shit), I'm doing anywhere from 3-4 hours of homework a night, I'm PAYING BILLS, I'm scoping opportunities for jewelry parties for my now SECOND JOB, I'm consoling my husband after he's had a shitty day at work, and THEN maybe THEN at 12am I get to lay down and sleep. Rinse and repeat. This is not to mention the millions of other obligations I've agreed to to help out my friends and family, because I try to help out everyone as much as possible, even if it means fucking myself out of having a break ever.

So FUCK YOU HYPOCRITE PIG FUCKER. Go shove your hand down your fucking throat until it comes out your asshole so you can move your hand around and do sign language because all you ever do is talk out your ass. I try so fucking hard to get good grades, learn at my job, help others in anyway I can, that the biggest insult you can say to me is that I DO NOTHING. 

Anyone who knows me, who REALLY knows me, understands that I cannot sit down until all of the shit I need to do for the day is completed. I can't let myself do it. If I try to take a night off, or go on Facebook for longer than a couple minutes at a time when I've got homework waiting, I kill myself with guilt until I finish doing what I need to do. By the time I'm finished for the day, I am so fucking tired that I can't see straight to sit on the toilet and piss. Hence, my coffee addiction during the day. Now you all know the one thing not to say to me, because I swear the next time anyone even INSINUATES that I do nothing, they will be getting anthrax in the mail.

In short folks, if you find yourself saying shit about yourself that isn't true on a daily basis, JUST STOP IT. STOP. EVERYONE KNOWS you are a lying asshole. You have no credibility whatsoever. And do not make the mistake of criticizing others, because one of these days, you will get punched in the fucking face. WORD.

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