Sunday, July 22, 2012

I hate females.

If someone were to ask you, "who is your best friend?" what would you say? 

Now hold that name in your mind, and THINK. WHY is that person your best friend? What does the term, "best friend" even mean?

I've had very few people come close to the "best friend" title in my life. It is something that has always tortured me, especially when I go to a wedding shower or baby shower and hear the best friend speeches and the "oh my god soandso remember way back when"'s. It sucks. Everyone else seems to have had the normal friend progression except for me. 

The few people that got close enough for me to consider the BFF title, ended up fucking me over in some way, thus destroying my trust in female friends going forward. It was always about a guy, or another friend who was cooler. Always. Alwaysalways.

I thought as I grew older that this high school sentiment between females would change. It hasn't. How do I know? Because I got fucked over. Again. I don't know why I'm even hurt or surprised this time. It is to the point where I've had to distance myself from the other females in my life, because I don't fucking trust any of them. 

Females are a nasty gender. They will smile to your face and talk shit on you twenty seconds later to the person next to you. They will tell you how awesome you are and how close you are to them, and then ditch you for a guy or someone who is more entertaining. You will spend money on them, help them in every way possible, babysit for them, offer your goddamn body for surrogacy if they can't conceive themselves, and they will still fuck you over every.damn.time.

Do I seem sensitive and jealous? Because half of the time I really don't give a shit if my friends have other friends, fuck up and make mistakes, never call me because they have a family of their own - I get it, I do that shit too, it's COOL.

All I ask is that if they have a problem with something I'm doing, the way that I parent, something I've said -  TELL ME. Don't tell someone else and complain about it. Don't talk shit on me. Don't move on to someone else. FUCKING tell me. 

I fear for my daughter and her future relationships. I already see the cliques forming and the shit-talking starting at her age. My daughter is usually the brunt of it, unfortunately, because she can't understand why soandso is playing with someone else instead of everyone playing together. Or why soandso makes her sit in the corner while they play with the other kids, as part of a "game". 

I'm tired of it. I understand now why my parents don't have any friends. I understand why they prefer each other's company over anyone else's. It took me a long time, but I get it now.

Today, if someone were to ask me who my best friend is, without a doubt I would answer, "my husband". He is the one person who has stood by me no matter what. No matter how many times I've done and said stupid shit, no matter how many times we've disagreed, he has been there. He doesn't always say the right thing, but he's there. He's there and he loves me, and that's all that matters. 

All of this has made me realize that all that matters in my world is my daughter and my husband. My family. These are the people who I wake up everyday for, who I work my ass off for, who make me the happiest. On any given day, if you were to ask me to go out for lunch or to a bar - I can tell you I'd rather be at home with my husband and daughter, watching a movie or just being goofy on the couch.

Yeah. I know this is supposed to be a funny blog but I've been pretty down lately, and I can only rant to Marc so much. 

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